Friday, November 21, 2008

A Time to be Thankful.

Today I am grateful that I have felt my baby moving. Excuse my moments of reflection and sorrow for a patient that we had in labor and delivery the other day. She was about 7 and 1/2 months pregnant. She came in with cramping and then came some bleeding. We stood in the operating room each of us asking God to make it right as the doctor searched with the ultrasound for a reason for the cramping and bleeding. The dreaded words came out of her mouth that she couldn't find the reason for the bleeding and she was afraid it was because the baby was dead. No fetal heart tones could be found. Anyone who has been present for that kind of news knows that there is no other sound like that of a mothers cry when she loses a baby. It is the most tangible, visible and audible breaking of a heart that you could ever witness.
As I have been thinking about her the last couple days it has become apparent to me that nothing in this life is ever ours. From the moment of conception of a child or from the beginning of a relationship with a loved one, it is only temporary. The catch is that the length of that relationship in this life is not known to us. Every baby, child and loved one is on loan from God. Just another reminder of how out of control we are. Time for loving is today.
I haven't seen my neice for five months now. My most precious memories of her were I believe given to me by a loving Heavenly Father who knew all to well the future. I'm grateful for those special moments we had together. We played barbies just me and her, and she told me some stories. We sang her favorite songs into the pretend microphone. She fell asleep in my arms and I got to lay her in bed and watch her sleep. She told me she loved me when I was running to get in my car to go to work. These are times I pray that she remembers in that little heart of hers. I pray that she remembers through these lonely times that she may have felt left behind that there is a whole family of love that never ends for her and it will never be gone it will always be here forever. I pray everyday that she will be given back what was wrongfully taken from her, her daddy and family.
"...I would gladly walk from here to you barefoot and bareheaded and half-naked to see you and think it great pleasure, and never count it toil..." Josheph Smith in a letter to Emma.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

A few weekends ago I went to a sleepover in Island Park with some BFF's from highschool. It was a blast. It's so great to get together after some time has past and see that we are still all the same girls. We always pick up right where we left off as if we never missed a beat.
Sarah brought baby Landon 5 weeks old. He is so sweet and adorable. He was having a rough night which inspired a late night Mylanta run, a little different from the midnight runs (Mormon versioned of course) we used to make in highschool. Val also brought her little girl and she just slept like a baby through all of our loud laughter until around 4 in the morning. Of the five of us that were there, three of us are pregnant. Emily gave us the news that her and Charly had a little surprise this last month.
Katy is due this month around Thanksgiving. Of course she just looks great, like she just put a beach ball under her shirt.







I have been busy being pregnant lately. B has been busy searching for animals to terminate. (To keep facts straight this is a last year's conquer. He is still in hot prursuit this year.) I just recently realized that not all those feelings in my tummy were gas. On Monday I was at work charting and I thought something peculiar was going on down there so I put my hand on my stomach and something hit my hand. It was pretty amazing. All the sudden this getting fat and being sick "thing" started meaning so much more to me.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Lillie Love

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what love's worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Some Halloween Super Stars

Abby was Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. Jacob...obviously was a nun (very funny Jacob).
The cowboy hunk is Tyson, our nephew.

Me and B traded places for the night.

Kade


This is a first photo of Kade William. On Oct. 24th B and I went to the doctors office for our much anticipated ultrasound. The night before we went was one of the longest of my life. When I scheduled the appointment I purposely scheduled it as early in the morning as I could. I am 29 years old and this is my first pregnancy. I am an RN in Labor and Delivery and I am afraid that I have seen far too much.
Ever since I got pregnant I have felt a little stressed, I couldn't have a sweeter life. I have married the greatest guy and I am 23.5 weeks pregnant. How could my life be so great? To our relief all is well at the US. Kade has two kidneys, 4 chambers in the heart....etc etc. Everything checks out. We are very blessed. Although I keep having these landmarks in the back of my mind that I think 'well once I get to that point I won't be so worried.', I think that my life's worry's have only begun.