Today I am grateful that I have felt my baby moving. Excuse my moments of reflection and sorrow for a patient that we had in labor and delivery the other day. She was about 7 and 1/2 months pregnant. She came in with cramping and then came some bleeding. We stood in the operating room each of us asking God to make it right as the doctor searched with the ultrasound for a reason for the cramping and bleeding. The dreaded words came out of her mouth that she couldn't find the reason for the bleeding and she was afraid it was because the baby was dead. No fetal heart tones could be found. Anyone who has been present for that kind of news knows that there is no other sound like that of a mothers cry when she loses a baby. It is the most tangible, visible and audible breaking of a heart that you could ever witness.
As I have been thinking about her the last couple days it has become apparent to me that nothing in this life is ever ours. From the moment of conception of a child or from the beginning of a relationship with a loved one, it is only temporary. The catch is that the length of that relationship in this life is not known to us. Every baby, child and loved one is on loan from God. Just another reminder of how out of control we are. Time for loving is today.
I haven't seen my neice for five months now. My most precious memories of her were I believe given to me by a loving Heavenly Father who knew all to well the future. I'm grateful for those special moments we had together. We played barbies just me and her, and she told me some stories. We sang her favorite songs into the pretend microphone. She fell asleep in my arms and I got to lay her in bed and watch her sleep. She told me she loved me when I was running to get in my car to go to work. These are times I pray that she remembers in that little heart of hers. I pray that she remembers through these lonely times that she may have felt left behind that there is a whole family of love that never ends for her and it will never be gone it will always be here forever. I pray everyday that she will be given back what was wrongfully taken from her, her daddy and family.
"...I would gladly walk from here to you barefoot and bareheaded and half-naked to see you and think it great pleasure, and never count it toil..." Josheph Smith in a letter to Emma.
2 comments:
So, Amy, today I was blog snooping and noticed that Shawnie had your link on her blog. Well, of course, that's an invitation to read it... Now I'm crying. I think it's time for you to leave L&D and come work in Rehab where we don't have to endure such days. Thanks for sharing and for being so awesome. Love ya.
Am- thanks for sharing, it is so important for us to be thankful for every minute we have with our loved ones and especially those little souls we are blessed with.
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